I’ll Never…

The Promises We Make and the Promises We Break
We’ve all made those vows: “I’ll never do that,” or “I’ll be better than this.” Often, these promises emerge from a genuine desire to avoid repeating the pain we experienced ourselves. Before becoming a parent, I said these things often, firmly believing I’d do it differently.

But as life unfolded, I found myself breaking those vows. I slipped into the very patterns I swore off, and with that came shame—a heavy, lingering sense of failure. Shame for not doing better. Shame for slipping back into cycles I desperately wanted to avoid.

What I didn’t understand then, but have since learned, is that these setbacks are a natural part of growth. The journey toward change is rarely clean-cut; it’s filled with imperfect moments and hard-learned lessons. This is how we evolve—by making promises, breaking them, and then recommitting, again and again.

Why It’s So Hard to Change
Our reactions are rooted in patterns that began long before we were even aware. They stem from a lifetime of programming, often laid down in childhood. We don’t just decide to act a certain way; we’re operating from an internal “operating system” that tells us, consciously or unconsciously, what’s “normal.”

Recognizing this can be powerful. When we see our behaviors as part of a larger system, we can begin to create distance from them, separating who we are from what we do. This shift allows us to be more compassionate with ourselves. And yet, recognizing a pattern doesn’t make it easy to change. Real change is slow, filled with stops and starts, and often painful. But that pain serves a purpose—it’s a guide, pushing us to pay attention and ask, “What needs to heal here?”

Mistakes Are Part of the Path
If we could move through life without ever failing, we wouldn’t feel the edges that define who we are. Pain and failure serve as reminders, telling us where boundaries lie and where growth is needed. They’re signposts guiding us on this challenging path of change, and without them, we’d likely stay stuck, endlessly repeating the same patterns.

Healing and growth take time—much more time than we’d like to think. It’s an ongoing process that involves not just identifying patterns but actively working against them, bit by bit. Each time we falter, we’re reminded of the hard truths that healing isn’t linear. Sometimes, it’s two steps forward and one step back. But that’s okay. It’s not about getting it right the first time; it’s about the willingness to keep going.

Compassionate Reminders for Your Journey

1. There Is No Final Exam. Life isn’t a test you pass or fail. Healing and growth don’t have a final grade or a finish line. There will be moments when you feel you’re slipping, and that’s okay. Give yourself the grace to make mistakes. They’re part of the journey, not an end.

2. Repetition Is Key. Think of change as rewiring your brain. It’s not about one grand decision but many small choices, made again and again. It’s the practice of getting up, recommitting, and slowly building new patterns.

3. Feel the Limits—and Lean Into Them. Failure is a boundary. When you collide with it, it’s not a dead end—it’s a signpost. It can teach you where your limits are, where you may need more self-compassion, and where there’s room for growth.

4. The Gift of Pain. As paradoxical as it sounds, pain has a role in healing. It makes us pause, look inward, and ask ourselves, “What’s really going on here?” This reflection often points us to the areas that need care and attention.

5. Permission to Try Again. Life gives us as many chances as it takes. If you break a promise to yourself, it’s not the end. Each day offers a fresh start, a chance to recommit to your journey. Healing may not bring back the past or erase hard truths, but it can bring you closer to living authentically.

You Are Not Alone in This Journey
So the next time you find yourself in one of those “I swore I’d never…” moments, pause. Breathe. Know that you are not alone, and that breaking a promise doesn’t make you any less worthy. It simply makes you human, a traveler on a path toward deeper self-awareness and growth.

Remember, this journey is about process, not perfection. There’s no “get out of jail free” card, but there is an endless invitation to keep trying, to show up for yourself, and to find a little more grace each time.

 Eva