Self Improvement Trap

If you aren’t finding victory in life, it may not be because you’re doing something wrong or not working hard enough.

In our last conversation, we talked about persistence and the strength it takes to overcome obstacles. But let’s also consider this: What if healing and progress aren't about trying harder or "fixing" something about ourselves? There’s a quote by David Bedrick that I often reflect on. While I can’t recall it verbatim, it centers around the idea that healing is less about self-improvement and more about self-acceptance.

How does that idea sit with you? Is it more challenging to accept yourself than to keep striving for improvement? For many, acceptance feels far more difficult.

We live in a culture that places so much value on achievement and effort, often leading us to believe that if we just try harder, everything will eventually fall into place. But there are areas of life where no amount of pushing will create change. Some things are beyond our control. Does that mean we’re broken or defective? No. The real work sometimes involves recognizing that we're not broken at all—and that can be just as transformative as any external success.

The truth is, we can’t change what we don’t accept. We can push all we want on the surface, but if we don’t honor and accept what's within, any change will be temporary at best. It’s uncomfortable, often scary, to look inward. Self-reflection can stir up feelings of vulnerability, uncertainty, and fear. But if we approach that inner world with compassion instead of criticism, something profound shifts.

When we acknowledge the truth of who we are, not from a place of judgment but from acceptance, we unlock the possibility of true transformation. Acceptance isn’t about giving up on ourselves or staying stuck; it's about recognizing our inherent worth, even in the mess. Only from that place can real, sustainable change take root.

I love diving deeper into this concept because it challenges many of the common narratives we hear about personal growth and success. There’s a lot of messaging out there that equates progress with constant improvement and effort—work harder, be better, do more. But that pressure to always strive can leave us feeling exhausted and like we’re never enough.

When we shift the conversation to self-acceptance, it introduces a different kind of challenge. It's not passive or about complacency; it’s about facing ourselves fully and honestly. And often, that’s the harder work.

Think about it: When you’re focused on self-improvement, there's a sense of control. You have a goal, and you can put in the work to get there. But when it comes to self-acceptance, it requires vulnerability. It requires us to sit with our imperfections, our fears, our insecurities, and be okay with them. It’s not about becoming something else, but about being okay with who we are right now. That’s a radical shift in mindset.

I often see clients struggle with this, especially those who’ve been through trauma or hardship. They’ve been conditioned to believe that they have to “fix” themselves to move forward. But healing doesn’t always look like pushing forward. Sometimes it looks like pausing, breathing, and acknowledging that right here, in this moment, you are enough.

This doesn’t mean we stop growing or changing. On the contrary, accepting ourselves allows us to grow in a way that’s more aligned with our true selves. When we’re constantly striving to be something else, we can lose sight of who we really are. But when we start from a place of acceptance, we’re more grounded. We make changes from a place of love, not from a place of lack or unworthiness.

If you find yourself in a place where victory feels elusive, maybe it’s time to pause and ask: What would it look like to accept myself, right here, right now? What if the struggle isn’t because you’re not doing enough, but because you’re fighting against your own worth?

Imagine how different life might feel if, instead of constantly trying to improve, you allowed yourself to rest in the knowledge that you are enough—exactly as you are. True transformation doesn’t come from rejecting ourselves, but from embracing who we are. When we do that, the external victories may follow, but more importantly, we experience an internal freedom that no amount of effort can provide.

Let this be your invitation to lean into that freedom, to stop fighting with yourself, and to find peace in the radical act of self-acceptance.

Let’s lean into this process together—balancing both grit and grace as we walk this path of healing.

With love,

Eva