The First Time

I don’t know about you, but doing things (and especially big things) is scary for me. And the more potential the thing has for serious consequences, the scarier it is for me. Like, I know if I "mess up" or make a "wrong" move, I’m gonna feel it. And then there will be this temptation to have the conversation with myself, if it doesn't goes as expected that somehow, I should have known better. That I should have planned better or been able to mitigate the risk better somehow. This is normal, especially when trauma loops start playing and those old familiar parts start to get loud and make you second guess yourself. This is a pattern that is easy to fall back into no matter how much healing we have done, because it’s SO familiar. And when we are scared and full of uncertainty, we reach for ANYTHING that is familiar and predictable. Even if that familiar “thing” is bad for us. This is why it’s so difficult to leave abusive or toxic conditions.  Especially if your past or childhood is filled with the same-it's your foundation. 

When these scared parts "flood" us, its easy to lose sight of the bigger things at play.  It's easy to lose perspective and feel like chicken little, "the sky is falling!".

How do we get back to clear-headed, focused, brave, and gutsy thinking so we can DO the thing and not get paralyzed and sink into the couch, distract with busyness, or numb with something else?  

Compassion. It’s always the way back in. It’s how you get home to yourself.

Whether you are starting therapy, starting a new business, leaving a job or relationship, or moving to a new city you’re going to meet resistance. Even seemingly little changes, like starting a healthy lifestyle or habit, is going to trigger this reaction. This is normal. It means you’re changing the familiar pattern. This is the crux that determines your outcome. Do you fall back into the comfortable familiar or do you push through the discomfort and resistance and do a new thing? How badly do you want it?  Answering this question will give you insight into your motivation. Reengineering the foundation (ie:trauma loops) is work that pays off a hundred-fold. 

I can help you untangle the mess with “parts” work. We'll send in a life raft to those overwhelmed parts and help you change the narrative so you can tap back into the clear-headed focus and bravery.  Why compassion? Because shame NEVER works.  

Love, 

Eva

“Healing is the end of conflict with yourself.” 

If you'd like to learn more about IFS, or "parts work", you can go here.  This is one of my favorite modalities because it combines awareness with compassion and brings RESULTS.